AGEING IN MALAYSIA BY FONG MUNTOH: MY RICH COUSIN WHO STILL LOVE AND CARE HIS OWN SEN...

AGEING IN MALAYSIA BY FONG MUNTOH: MY RICH COUSIN WHO STILL LOVE AND CARE HIS OWN SEN...: My cousin's wife who read my Facebook posting entitled  "NO MAID CAN DIE!" saw me and told me "aiyo if i have no maid i...

MY RICH COUSIN WHO STILL LOVE AND CARE HIS OWN SENILE MOTHER

My cousin's wife who read my Facebook posting entitled  "NO MAID CAN DIE!" saw me and told me "aiyo if i have no maid i will die" and she was right if she has no maid she will definitely die. 

Their bedroom is bigger than my terrace house, two hyperactive kids and my cousin's late mother was suffering from alzheimer and started spitting all over the house. This is not a boast but a true rags to riches story which I want to share with you. This cousin of mine was from Ipoh grew up in the coconut oil factory with his mother. His father worked there before he suffered a stroke and died later. The mother worked very hard and she nearly died from a curious case of thyroid but survived because my father introduced her to another doctor for a second opinion, the doctor gave her some medication on the cheap to help her out and she survived to live a full life till 89 years old.

My cousin started working a a medical rep earlier on after form 6 as they cannot afford to continue his study in  university. Around the mid 90s he started going into business , got cheated by his own class mate(so much about old friend), suffered a short spell of depression. But he came back and got a few good clients supporting him. Within a few years he moved into a semi detached house and then later into a big bungalow fifteen times the size of my terrace house area, land area is even bigger. 

He is the only guy who is willing bring his mother around everywhere without feeling embarrass about the mother spitting everywhere and making funny and irritating sounds(I used to manage two nursing homes and my homes were filled with residents whose children are doing fantastically well but refused to take care of their mother giving all kind of excuses. 

This cousin of mine and his wife both have no problem bringing the mother anywhere and everywhere including breakfast in those old fashion packed coffee shop, while the mother kept spitting everywhere. 

How many of rich people willing to just take care of their old senile mother without a single excuse or feeling embarrassed? I wonder......... which is why I really respect this cousin and his wife, both grew up in simple life , got rich but still stay simple. 

3 LASTING IMPRESSIONS OF AGEING IN BOURNEMOUTH

My first encounter with aging was in United Kingdom while pursuing my MBA. At 25 years of age, ageing was as near to me as the sun to earth then.

I still remember one summer in Bournemouth, a beach side town in the south of England with its long fine white sandy beach stretching all the way from Christchurch to the ferry terminals to Sandbanks, another long luscious white sandy beach. The year was 1989, I was driving my second hand beige Vauxhall on the way back to my rented place. While waiting at the traffic, an old lady in her electric buggy drove passed me at a steady unhurried pace. She turned and glanced at me and gave me a smile as she passed me and then she continued her journey. In UK the electric buggy with a senior citizen do not have to stop at the traffic, they were considered a pedestrian on wheels. Every other vehicle must stop and give way.

                           (A view of the long sandy beach in Bournemouth)

I thought to myself, wow, this is so great. “You will not find this in Malaysia. If I do see this in Malaysia, the old lady would not last long on the road, obituary will be the next time I see her.” I thought to myself.

But the image of the old lady overtaking me unhurriedly and her glance left a lasting impression. What a way to age.

My second encounter in Bournemouth was when I helped an elderly lady, who was a stranger, to take her shopping’s at Sainsbury back to her elderly home. She invited me in for a tea as gesture of thanks for helping her. Her home was a purpose built one-bedroom apartment with a view to the garden. The decoration was very British. Her apartment was designed for elderly with every aspect from safety to access. She could have easily ridden a buggy right to her apartment door, if she had a buggy.  This encounter got me thinking, what would it be like growing old in my own country.

My third encounter was when all my Malaysian classmates and friends had tragic experiences when they got news of their sick parents. One of them, Alex, could not get home on time to see his father one last time. Another girl, Wan, could not get a ticket to get home for her dad’s funeral. Her family were Taoist and staunch believer and followed what the Taoist priest say or do. Wan barely made it on the sending off day.

Both Alex and Wan stories and many others left me with my first taste of emotions of aging and death. The question of filial piety was carved into to my heart and remained like a ‘thorn to my side’ till these days. In fact, the thought of my aging parents and my failure to perform the duty of the firstborn son was the reason I returned to Malaysia after six years studying, working and living in the UK.