MAN: YOU DIE FIRST

I found this amusing, when men are busy the have no time to die but.....

Started managing two nursing homes in 2000 . I noticed after a few years most if not all the men will be no more, gone, dead.

After 20 years I am very sure my statistic is quite accurate, that most men will die within 3 years of moving into a nursing home.

The funny thing is that we started each home with about 40% men and 60% women but by the third year all the original men were gone. Men generally last no more than three years in a home (that is my personal experience. 

When I shared this information during a talk for senior citizens on planning for retirement and how to select a nursing home, many pf the participants offered their views. One lady said it was due to their ego, because they became helpless at the centre and felt abandon.

Another lady said, "We women are build stronger and better." Most men present at the talk kept quiet because they are not happy with the statistics that don't favour them. 

A gentlemen in his sixties came to me after the sharing and gave a me a very nice phrase which sounded more like a poem on why man die faster in nursing home. He said:

“See girl cannot touch,

can touch cannot do, 

got party cannot go, 

can go cannot dance, 

got money cannot spend, 

got good food cannot eat, 

got wine cannot drink. 

Like that better die”

The saying has a ring of truth in it…women usually last so much longer the longest client we had (some are still alive today) are over 12 years with the 20 year old homes.

And here is my take on why men die faster. I have read a lot on this subject and there are many-many information out there, but I want to narrow it to why elderly man die faster in a nursing home.

I want to touch on what I believe is the true reason why  men die faster and women live longer.

It is the BEING of a man and a woman.

Let's start with the being of a man. Men's being by our culture and societal context are known and defined by what they do, the titles they carry and the positions they held.

At the basic level most men are known by the job they do,  like Ali the mechanic, Ah Kau the farmer and Muthu the labourer. In Malaysia it is important to acknowledge the three races and in our textbook they are always Ali, Ah Kau and Muthu. Everyone of the men are known by their jobs they do they are not known as the father of Nora or Mei Leng or Kamala. Nor are they known as the husband of Azizah or Rose or  Gita.

Those with 'conferred' title like Tun, Tan Sri, Datuk Seri and Datuk will always be known by the title. In fact the title is used so often we sometimes forget what their names are. But the moment this people enter a nursing home, titles and power do not mean a thing. 

The last group are those  with positions like CEO, COO, CFO, Managing Directors and Directors of this and that board. These group will be the hardest hit because of the nature of the work life where they often command the hundreds and the thousands, managing a financial portfolio of millions and billions. For this group, the music will stop one day and when it does, they will find it hard to identify who they are. They will get depressed because when they are in the nursing home, they have no one  to listen to them. They have to people who are lower qualified than them, younger than them and they have not choice but to obey albeit grudgingly. That's when I see depression hits in for a number of them.

I have had in my life, GM's of Multinational Bank, Directors of many boards and people of high achievements living in my centre and they still die and usually not in a very dignified way.

Women's being,  on the other hand are defined differently. By culture, nature and design, women are made differently. Even at the pinnacles of their careers as CEO or carrying a title of Datuk, they at the core are still known as the mother of Nora or Mei Leng or Kamala. At the core the are still known as the wife of Ali or Ah Kau or Muthu. They even sometimes are known as the daughter of Makcik Nik or Aunty Rosy or Aunty Letchumi.

Women are also defined by the seasons of things they do, when like to bake, they are called the baker or the florist or sewing expert.

Women can put one thing down and move on to other roles sometimes 3 to 4 roles change in one day.

The difference I noticed was that men need something to look forward to, a challenge, a goal, women can jump from one need to another without being too attached. Perhaps God has given women one natural achievement that no man can never claimed, that is the ability to give life to another being.

Most women hearing this will laugh and be happy because they live longer and most men will dread that day when their being of a man is no longer what they can do.

My take on this?

Look at it this way. God gave women the ability to achieve the greatest achievement of giving live. But God is kinder to men for He does not want men to suffer the indignant journey of  ageing and bless us with early death.

Peace.