We are Not Ang Mo

We are Not Ang Mo

The Asian Way of Caring for Parents: Tradition, Pressure, and Change

In much of Asia, caring for elderly parents isn’t just an act of love — it’s a cultural expectation rooted in centuries of tradition. The concept of filial piety (孝) teaches that children must honour, respect, and care for their parents as they age.

For generations, this value has shaped family life. But today, the way we care for our elders is undergoing a quiet transformation.

1. Tradition Meets Modern Reality

In the past, multi-generational households were the norm. Grandparents often helped raise grandchildren, and in return, adult children cared for them in old age. It was a seamless exchange of support within one home.

But modern life looks different. Urban living, smaller family sizes, and the demands of full-time work have made it harder to maintain that arrangement.

The result? Many families are finding themselves stretched thin, balancing competing priorities while trying to uphold tradition.

2. The Pressure on the Sandwich Generation

Adults in their 30s to 50s — often called the sandwich generation — are caught between raising their own children and caring for elderly parents.

They juggle:

• Financial support — paying for education, housing, and medical costs.

• Emotional support — being present for both generations.

• Physical care — accompanying parents to appointments, managing medications, or assisting with daily tasks.

This constant pressure can lead to burnout, especially when there’s little time for personal rest or self-care.

3. Rethinking the Role of Care Centres

For decades, placing parents in a care centre was seen as abandonment — a sign that the family had failed in their duty.

But mindsets are changing. Many families now recognise that professional care can enhance a senior’s quality of life.

In modern care centres, parents can enjoy:

• Safety and 24/7 medical attention.

• Daily social activities and hobbies.

• New friendships that combat loneliness.

One daughter shared with me:

“I used to feel guilty. But when I saw my mum making friends, joining activities, and smiling again, I realised I’d made the right choice.”

4. Balancing Tradition with Practicality

Caring for parents doesn’t always mean doing everything yourself.
It means making sure they are:

• Well — with proper nutrition, exercise, and medical care.

• Respected — with dignity preserved in every interaction.

• Loved — through time spent together, whether at home or in a care community.

Sometimes, the most loving choice is not about where they live, but about how they live.

Final Thought

The Asian way of caring for parents is evolving. The love and respect remain the same, but the methods are adapting to fit today’s realities.
And perhaps that’s the true spirit of filial piety — doing what’s best for our parents, in whatever form it takes.

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3 Questions to Ask Before Deciding on Elder Care

1. What does my parent truly want?
   Have an honest conversation to understand their wishes, fears, and priorities.

2. What level of care is realistically needed now — and in the next few years?
   Consider both current health needs and possible future changes.

3. Can our family provide this level of care without burnout or neglect?
   If the answer is no, explore professional support as a complement, not a replacement, for family love.