I NEED POSITIVE AFFIRMATION FROM PEOPLE I HELPED

Without sounding like a glory hunter, I must confess that I too need some positive affirmation from people whom I have helped. Sometimes in my journey to help others, I always wonder if my suggestions had helped them in anyway.

Recently a lady name Miss Tan called me. She got my number from a cousin who was a former colleague of my cousin. Her situation was that her father was very ill and many of his organs were failing and needed a home with proper medical care. She had searched high and low but found none as she also wanted a single room as her father also had weak immune system and will get flu quite easily.

She contacted me and I found another wonderful friend who managed a successful nurse company with over 600  nurses. My friend sacrificed a double room to make it single for Miss Tan and gaver her a very big discount.

Later Miss Tan called me and asked me , " How did you get the special deal for me? I contacted this company (my friend) and they cannot accommodate me?"  I replied, "My friend and I went go back a long way."  Miss Tan was happy and I will share screenshots of our conversation.

This was the first communication between Miss Tan's cousin and myself.

This message from Miss Tan and Wai Teck is her cousin, and he was my cousin's ex colleague. Never mind the tongue twister.

My reply to Miss Tan

After visiting Miss Tan's dad, My friend who owned the centre took me for a free lunch.

About a month later mid July 2018

This was our final communication.

It was a happy sad ending for Miss Tan, Happy that her dad no longer suffered. Sad that he was gone. To all those who had passed my way, may God bless you and your family and thank you for your encouragements through social media or otherwise. Your encouragements gave me strength to carry on.

EPILOGUE - MANAGING YOUR ELDERLY PARENTS

Further to my posting early in the morning of 25 July 2018 i received the foolowing updates from my friend's son.

Here are the updates:

[09:30, 7/26/2018] Ray: Wah...you featured our story in your blog! FYI, my dad couldn't do the procedure after consulting 3 specialists. The soft bone between his vertebrae are already quite worn out and the procedure (called Neucloplasty) is basically removing part of the soft bone. The only available procedure is to inject steroids into his back (like epidural) which is not necessarily successful but may offer temporary relief. In any case, we checked him into the nursing home almost 3 weeks ago. We got him a single room as they didn't recommend sharing because of my dad's psoriasis which may scare the other patient. A few positives can be experienced by my dad after only one week: 1. His back pain practically stopped! This is possibly due to the proper handling of him at the home. He was indeed very pleased with this development as this is a great improvement to his quality of life. 2. As his pain reduced significantly and proper moisturizing of this skin, his psoriasis improved significantly as well. Another positive outcome for him.

[09:36, 7/26/2018] Ray: I will be back to Ipoh this weekend to visit him and I hope to see that his skin condition to return to normal. One issue which needs more attention is his bedsore. They are changing his diapers 6 times daily as opposed to 3 times daily when he was at home. We are paying extra for the nurses to tend to his bedsore. I believe my dad is quite comfortable in the home (if not quite happy) as he has most of his leisure items with him such as his smartphone, iPad and computer (which I got a new one for him). I would like to thank you for your invaluable advice and we are now managing this 1 week at a time. Hopefully we can then move to 1 month at a time in due course. Shall keep you updated! Cheers!👍🙏

[09:43, 7/26/2018] Muntohfong: Good to hear bro.  Your story that I shared touched  many people and will help many.

[09:45, 7/26/2018] Ray: You may update your blog with the recent development. Hopefully, others will find it useful. Once again, thanks a million! Take care!

[09:46, 7/26/2018] Muntohfong: Yes Raymond your dad's life is still helping others in his last journey.

MANAGING ELDERLY PARENTS- TAKING 1 DAY, 1 WEEK AND 1 MONTH AT A TIME

An 81 year old friend spoke to me and shared his problem. Cannot walk, hearing weak, bedsores at both butt cheeks and spine sitting on his nerve. He is getting 4 to 5 episode of painful attack, maid is going home and he needs an operation to solve his spine problem. He needs MRI but the pain so bad when he lie down, he has to move , so MRI is out.

He asked me to speak to his son. I did, and his son told me he has made all the arrangement to have the operation in Fatimah hospital in Ipoh...but the next part is the issue...no one to care for the father...he told me that he found a pakistani with work permit who can take care of him and I said no way any pakistani can enter and have a work permit to be a care giver on their own. Still one person cannot take care of your dad.

So the eldest son in Australia suggest nursing home or care centres, the youngest child, the daughter don't think it is a good idea. And this son in Malaysia found it hard to convince the father to go to a nursing home

So here is my reasoning why my elderly friend needs to go to nursing home.

1.  His conditions needs constant care. At home with one carer is not enough.

2.  The wife will be of no help in moments of pain.

"But the father don't want to go to nursing home and stay", my friend's son replied. So I said this.

Take 1 day, 1 week and 1 month at a time, this is not the corporate world where we can set goals for the next 5 years. Even corporate goals set and implemented by young brilliant minds very often failed. Managing an ageing parent needs a paradigm shift, no two elderly persons aged the same way so we need to work with each one differently.

Then i told him the secret that gave the son the peace of mind to manage this.....I said..."Let him go into the home after operation. Don't think if it is only for a month or two. Remember the home may be operated by caring people but it is also a business, they will do their best to please and make your father comfortable to stay on." 

And in a moment of eureka the son laughed out loud saying, "Haha, that is a comforting thought."

You know what, “ I know this because I managed two centres before.”

IT IS NEVER OUR OWN FAULT, IT IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE'S FAULT

When standards and quality of care is poor in any industries, people will point straight to education, training and the type of people we got for doing the job.

So let’s start with education, is our education level poor, I do not think so, we have many forms of education from government school, private school, international school and even home school. They focused on education and preparing people for further education and to be part of the work force. The system encourages people to be a professional like lawyer, doctor, engineer, IT expert and accountant. Our education never talks about ageing or becoming a care giver or going into the care business. it teaches the 10 core subjects at primary and secondary school and then send you of to colleges and universities

Most parents never hope their children to be a care giver, it is a low-grade job, a dead end job. Truth is I was like that too until I was managing care centres and saw the need for better quality people.

Years ago, when I was studying in England, I had a chance to chat with a bus driver and asked me what I am doing in England and why I can speak good English unlike the Chinese restaurant workers. And then I asked him about his job and he told me love this job and that he graduated from universities with an arts degree but somehow felt that working in offices just do not fits him. I asked him a typical Malaysian or even Asian question, “What did your parents say about you being a bus driver with a bachelor degree?” He replied without a flinch, “Hey a job is a job, it is not about the degree, it is about doing a good honest job, well?”

He had me there for a while and left me this powerfully engraved impression in my mind and heart till today.

WHAT IS THE GOVERNMENT DOING ABOUT OUR AGEING PROBLEMS?

When I started to talk to people about elderly centres, everyone will talk about how good are the centres in Australia and England. And then they will say we should have something like this in Malaysia. When I told them there are a couple of centres like this and it costs RMxxxxxx, they will say,” Oh the government should do something about this problem?” I told them they should move to Australia or England if they think their elderly centres are so good.

According to Knight Frank Wealth Report which measures the net assets of individuals across the world and it states that there are 41,750 millionaires in Malaysia in 2015. these made up only 0.14% of total Malaysian population. These are the rich or super rich, for this group of people retirement and where they live as they age is not an issue. When I discussed this statistics with my friends, they felt it is impossible that Malaysia only has slightly over 40,000 millionaires. The property prices in most cities in Malaysia are over a million, therefore, there should be more millionaires. Two things to note is that first, the statistics is based on year 2015. I am sure we have more millionaires now. Secondly, Frank Knights based their reports on net worth, which means, total asset minus liabilities. So, owning a million ringgit house does not make one a millionaire, neither does owning a Ferrari makes one a Formula One driver.

In a 2014 report by Malay Mail Online, it was stated that the top 20% of the household has a median income of RM9,796, the middle 40 per cent at RM4,372 and the bottom 40 per cent at RM1,852.

The reports do not augur well for our future as we age. At the speed of light, one can see that we are sitting on the time bomb. When I got this figure, immediately I can see card board box city located under all the bridges and slums. I can almost see the growing queue at the food kitchen in all corners of the city. I just hope I am not one of them.

The fact of the matter is money is an issue, Malaysia is not a welfare country, most of the Malaysians will not have enough savings for their old age. Their savings in the Employee Provident Fund is hardly a song to sing about. Therefore, most centres charges a much lower fee, get cheaper labours and usually foreigners, cut corners in their food and service delivery. They will cramp four beds into a room meant for three or less, just so that the centre can stay afloat and the operators make some money.

AGEING IN MALAYSIA BY FONG MUNTOH: A PLACE I CAN CALL A HOME AWAY FROM HOME

AGEING IN MALAYSIA BY FONG MUNTOH: A PLACE I CAN CALL A HOME AWAY FROM HOME: A place I can call my home away from home was a tagline I used in my presentation to potential clients. I got this tagline from my years o...

A PLACE I CAN CALL A HOME AWAY FROM HOME

A place I can call my home away from home was a tagline I used in my presentation to potential clients. I got this tagline from my years of working with the hotel management division of Reliance Pacific Berhad. I was the marketing and operations manager for the 16 Seri Malaysia Hotels in the whole of Peninsular Malaysia. We used to describe our budget hotels as an affordable place, a home away from home. Our décor was very cultural Malay home style with lots of floral drapes, batik pictures and we used tiled floors instead of the usual carpet, just to be like an average home in Malaysia.

In the like manner we want our homes or centres to be like a home, our home. Where we have good friendly people who became our friends, good clean places, good homely cooked food and have a good time

But the truth is, most of the current homes are just not good enough. There are not many good centres around that I can called a home away from home. Most make me want to run away from the homes or centres. During my rounds visiting and reviewing many centres, I can see a big divide from one end of the standard spectrum to the other extreme end. If I apply the tagline to the homes or centres I visited, I will not call most of them a home away from home.

But please do not look down on them, most have existed since a long time ago to meet certain segment of the society and had in many ways contributed to the society. The have played their parts to meet both physical needs and financial abilities of many children who have no choice but to send their beloved parents to a centre.

DO YOU STILL WANT TO BE IN THE ELDERLY CARE INDUSTRY

I said that elderly care business is a business of LOVE. But over the years I can see some part of my humanity and love being eaten away. To see residents who became my friends passing away one by one is heart wrenching. They were laughing with me one day and gone the next day. Sometimes I had to tell myself this is life and life must go on. I had to tell myself that this is just a job and not get too personal. I must learn to separate work life from personal life. Till one day I had to slap myself and said, “Look I cannot live in a dichotomy, there is no such thing as work and personal life, there is only one life. My work and personal life is one.”

I decided that this work life balance idea is nonsense. I am many people in one, to my various family members I am the husband, father, son and brother. I am still all these when I am at work and at work I am the subordinate, the head of department, the leader of the distributors and manager of the two nursing homes. And at the home, I am the friend of my residents, maybe even a son. At the end I learn to embrace myself as person, a human being with all these functions, titles and relationships. These helped me to handle my encounter with deaths and departures of my residents and friends more comfortably. I even learn to embrace and be comfortable with death.

My 87 year old father and I have many frank talks, we are very closed. I grew up following him everywhere he went and doing practically everything he did. One day we talked about death and my father told me that he wants to be cremated and his remains be thrown to the sea. He said, “In this way I can travel the world all at once.” I told him, “Ok, consider it done.”

So, do you still want to do this business of elderly homes or centres? Of course, you should. One could just do it as a business with hired professional nurses and care givers to run the homes. I am not judging. I am just suggesting that you should this business and do it with a heart. The future of ageing needs the contributions of all sectors to manage the ageing waves. Managing a care centre well needs business acumen too. Love alone does not cover the bills but it start with love.

ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO DO THIS?

ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO DO THIS?

What’s wrong with death sir? What are we so mortally afraid of? Why can’t we treat death with a certain amount of humanity and dignity, and decency, and God forbid, maybe even humor. Death is not the enemy gentlemen. If we’re going to fight a disease, let’s fight one of the most terrible diseases of all. Indifferences.”

-           Robin Williams as Patch Adams

I loved this movie and I loved the quote at the end and it remains long after I watched the movie.

In March 2010 BFM, the business radio station interviewed me. Two of the memorable questions were, “Is Nursing Home a profitable business?” and I replied “Yes, it is, if it were not I will not be involved.”

The second question was, “What are the criteria to go into this business?” I replied, “If anyone going into this business just for the money, then I can show them many other ways to make money. Elderly care or nursing home business is a business of LOVE.” The interviewer pondered for a moment and replied “yes”.

Unlike childcare or kindergarten where we get to see young, energetic and noisy kids coming to the centre and watching them grow. And then we hear stories of them growing up, getting good grades and their graduations. It is all about achievements. Elderly care centres are just not like that. Most came in old, fragile, weak legs, weak heart and most will not leave the home alive. Most of them do not even want to be there. Culturally most Malaysians like to die in their own homes. The elderly knew they will not leave the centres or home alive. They will end up in hospitals or pass away in their sleeps. There will be stories of them struggling with pain from bed sores, cancer and arthritis.

There was this lady who suffered from Alzheimer, arthritis, diabetes, hypertension, heart and allergy to some of the medications. She was taking over ten types of medications. The many types of medications caused her body to be as stiff as a log. One day a care giver tried to take her to the shower. The care giver had to lift her up from the bed slowly. And then she had to slowly loosen her muscles before she can put her on the wheel chair. Without warning the lady just slipped and fell to the floor like a log and cut her forehead. She was sent to the hospital in Penang and I had to go to investigate the incidents before we get sued.

The sad story of this lady was that it took her a long time to die, I know I sounded crude, or perhaps you may prefer she lived a bit way too long. She lived in our home in Penang for almost eight years, she could hardly move, bedridden, pain all over and towards her end life she suffered from very bad bed sores, which our best nurses and doctors could do nothing to prevent. The only comfort from this entire story is that I knew my nurses and care givers had given their best although very often the best is simply not good enough.

AGEING IN MALAYSIA BY FONG MUNTOH: ELDERLY CARE IS NOT MY FIRST CHOICE PROFESSION

AGEING IN MALAYSIA BY FONG MUNTOH: ELDERLY CARE IS NOT MY FIRST CHOICE PROFESSION: Managing care centres, nursing homes or old folks was never my first choice of profession, not even when I was managing two of them during...

ELDERLY CARE IS NOT MY FIRST CHOICE PROFESSION

Managing care centres, nursing homes or old folks was never my first choice of profession, not even when I was managing two of them during my time at IHM Sdn Bhd. It was just a job. True that I had many wonderful stories talking to the residents, but it never dawns on me to be ‘my vocation’ or ‘my calling’. Not until 2012 when I left IHM’s employment.

(Visiting the Home where I got started.)

Suddenly all those people I met over the years kept popping up. One of them was Carol Yip, The CEO of Agedcare Sdn Bhd, she called and invited me to be part of PEMANDU expert panel. PEMANDU is Malaysia transformation think-tank and they conducted many conference and discussion which they call LAB, short for laboratory where many issues are put on the table with teams of experts to experiment and tinker with the problems and then formulate plausible and possible solutions. 

                             (A testimonial letter from the now disbanded Pemandu)

The lab I went to was on Senior Living and Aging. My personal experience with Pemandu was that there are some good decisions that came out of the lab. It is not perfect, but it is a good start.

From there on I kept moving in the circles of aging issues, friends kept calling me to give solutions for their aging parents and its related problems. And in 2016 I was invited to be a consultant for Managed Care Sdn Bhd, a subsidiary of Agedcare. My job was simple, to visit nursing homes, review them and if they meet our stringent requirements I will sign them up as a panel for Managed Care, who in return will recommend to their clients.

I was generally disappointed with many homes and centres that I had visited, smelly, dirty and overcrowded. It is nothing like the two IHM homes, I would sincerely consider it one of the best in Petaling Jaya in terms of services, quality and price. Still, how I wish every elderly has an apartment like that in Bournemouth.

In 2016, I met an old doctor friend from the Ministry of Health and he encouraged me to get myself certified in elderly care and I did.

Some people set their goals, and some had it thrown at them. In my case it was the latter. As an encouragement for all those people who do not know what they are going to do with their life or where they are going, do not frown nor fret, keep your senses up to see, hear or even smell what God has planned for you. Most important God has placed many wonderful mentors along my way. Four of them made a difference to my journey and somehow showed me my path whom I shall mentioned later.