MANAGING ELDERLY PARENTS- TAKING 1 DAY, 1 WEEK AND 1 MONTH AT A TIME

An 81 year old friend spoke to me and shared his problem. Cannot walk, hearing weak, bedsores at both butt cheeks and spine sitting on his nerve. He is getting 4 to 5 episode of painful attack, maid is going home and he needs an operation to solve his spine problem. He needs MRI but the pain so bad when he lie down, he has to move , so MRI is out.

He asked me to speak to his son. I did, and his son told me he has made all the arrangement to have the operation in Fatimah hospital in Ipoh...but the next part is the issue...no one to care for the father...he told me that he found a pakistani with work permit who can take care of him and I said no way any pakistani can enter and have a work permit to be a care giver on their own. Still one person cannot take care of your dad.

So the eldest son in Australia suggest nursing home or care centres, the youngest child, the daughter don't think it is a good idea. And this son in Malaysia found it hard to convince the father to go to a nursing home

So here is my reasoning why my elderly friend needs to go to nursing home.

1.  His conditions needs constant care. At home with one carer is not enough.

2.  The wife will be of no help in moments of pain.

"But the father don't want to go to nursing home and stay", my friend's son replied. So I said this.

Take 1 day, 1 week and 1 month at a time, this is not the corporate world where we can set goals for the next 5 years. Even corporate goals set and implemented by young brilliant minds very often failed. Managing an ageing parent needs a paradigm shift, no two elderly persons aged the same way so we need to work with each one differently.

Then i told him the secret that gave the son the peace of mind to manage this.....I said..."Let him go into the home after operation. Don't think if it is only for a month or two. Remember the home may be operated by caring people but it is also a business, they will do their best to please and make your father comfortable to stay on." 

And in a moment of eureka the son laughed out loud saying, "Haha, that is a comforting thought."

You know what, “ I know this because I managed two centres before.”