TWO 99 YEARS OLD PARENTS & 3 SISTERS- WHAT IS THE FIGHT ABOUT?

My friend Jo reached out to me from Singapore, visibly distressed. To provide context, Jo is the youngest among three sisters—Verona being the eldest and Holly the second. Their elderly parents, both 99 years old and grappling with dementia, reside in a care center in Tambun Ipoh. Initially, Jo's father had a joint account with Holly and Jo. However, Verona, during a visit from Canada, presented a form meant for certification in Canada, asserting that her parents were in palliative care. This claim was not true, as the parents were in general good health, albeit dealing with dementia. Verona aimed to use this certification to claim allowances for caring for her parents, whose monthly care expenses in Tambun amounted to RM7,600. When the two retired nurses managing the Tambun center declined to sign the form, Veron threatened to sue the home and decided to relocate her parents to a nursing home near their residence in Kg Simee, citing dissatisfaction with the Tambun facility. Despite Verona's assertion that the new place was more economical, concerns were raised about its quality of care. Here are some crucial points to consider: 1. Jo is the official guardian, as per the signed terms and conditions, giving her exclusive authority or the power to approve anyone discharging the parents.

2. A palliative diagnosis must come from a qualified doctor, making the act of certifying generally healthy parents as palliative a criminal offense.

3. Given the parents' dementia, it is recommended for them to remain in the familiar Tambun nursing home. Veron's concerns about staffing and management may not be valid unless there is concrete evidence of misconduct or care deterioration.

4. Threatening legal action against the center requires substantial grounds for a lawyer or court to intervene. While there are varying opinions on this situation, the hope is that the sisters can engage in a humble and constructive conversation, motivated not just by love for each other but, more importantly, by love for their parents—central figures in this complex family narrative.

EPILOGUE

• Last night 2 MAR 2022 the sister implicated in this story called me to tell her side of her story. In dealing with feuding family issues and stories, there are more than one side. in fact there are as many sides as the number of people involved. The parents, the children, the carers, the centres, other relatives and friends who each knew both sisters and the family will have their sides too.

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  Muntoh Monti

  I just hope all the sisters can humble themselves and talk it out not out of love for one another but out of love for their parents, the common players in this story.