Dos and Don’ts When Visiting Friends with Dementia

 Dos and Don’ts When Visiting Friends with Dementia

Because how we show up matters more than what we say.

Visiting a friend with dementia can feel uncertain. You want to connect, but you’re unsure how to start the conversation — or whether they’ll even remember you. But don’t let that stop you. Your presence can still bring comfort, joy, and a sense of belonging.

Here’s a gentle guide on how to make your visit meaningful — for both of you.

 

✅ DO: Come with calm and kindness

Your energy sets the tone. Enter with a smile, speak slowly and clearly, and stay relaxed. If they seem confused or unsure who you are, don’t take it personally. Your calm presence still matters.

 

❌ DON’T: Ask “Do you remember me?”

This common question can unintentionally cause stress or embarrassment. If they don’t remember, they might feel like they’ve failed. Instead, introduce yourself warmly — “Hi Aunty Mei, it’s Muntoh — I used to visit you on Sundays. I’ve missed you.”

 

✅ DO: Go with the flow

Let go of correcting or trying to orient them to “reality.” If they think it’s 1985, or talk about people who’ve passed on, follow along with empathy. You can say, “Tell me more about that,” rather than “No, that’s not right.”

 

❌ DON’T: Overwhelm them with noise or a crowd

Dementia can make it hard to process too much stimulation. Keep the environment quiet and visits short — around 30 minutes is often ideal. One or two familiar faces is better than a big group.

✅ DO: Bring simple joys

A familiar song, a favourite snack, photos from “the good old days” — these can awaken recognition and feelings of safety. Use senses: music, touch, smells — they often outlast

memory.

❌ DON’T: Talk over them or rush the conversation

Give them time to find their words. Silence is okay. Don’t fill every pause. And if they struggle, don’t finish every sentence — just be patient. What matters is the connection, not the content.

 

✅ DO: Honour their dignity

Speak to them directly, not about them like they’re not in the room. Even if they don’t respond much, they can still feel respect or dismissal. Call them by their name, and look them in the eye.

 

❌ DON’T: Focus on what’s lost

Avoid saying things like “You used to love this!” or “You were so smart.” It can remind them of their decline. Instead, stay in the present. Appreciate small moments — a smile, a nod, a shared song.

 

✅ DO: Leave your expectations at the door

Some days will be better than others. Your visit might not go as planned. But even if they don’t remember the visit tomorrow, they’ll still feel the warmth today.

 

A final thought...

Dementia may take away memories, but not the need for love, connection, and dignity. Your visit, your voice, your hand held in theirs — these things matter more than we can measure.

So show up with heart. Even when words fade, love remains.