Family Ties Frayed

True event

Eve's upbringing seemed like a fairy tale at first. Adopted by a kind-hearted spinster, Eve grew into a fine young woman, blessed with love, education, and opportunities. Her adopted mother, Maria, had three sisters who were a constant presence in their lives. Maria, a successful career woman, had accumulated wealth over the years, leaving Eve as the sole beneficiary in her will. To Eve, Maria was more than a mother; she was a mentor and a guiding light.

Yet, beneath the surface of familial harmony, a storm brewed. Her aunts, though outwardly supportive, harbored deep-seated resentment. In their eyes, Eve's adoption was a stroke of luck that should have been enough. They questioned her entitlement to the properties and cash, arguing that she wasn't of true blood and flesh. In their minds, she had already been given more than her fair share.

So, behind closed doors, the sisters concocted a scheme to transfer assets and cash away from Eve's rightful inheritance. They manipulated legal documents and coerced Maria in her later years, exploiting moments of vulnerability. It was a betrayal that lay dormant until Maria's passing, when the truth came to light.

The discovery shattered the illusion of family unity, exposing the fractures that had long been hidden beneath the surface. Eve, amidst her grief, found herself entangled in a legal and emotional battle she had never anticipated. The sense of betrayal cut deep, not only because of the material loss but because it came from those she had considered family.

For Eve, it was a harsh lesson in the unpredictability of human nature and the complexities of familial relationships. The courtroom battles were draining, each session revealing more of the aunts' greed and deceit. Yet, amidst the turmoil, Eve found solace in the knowledge that her worth was not defined by bloodlines or inheritance. She had been raised with love and compassion, values that no amount of wealth could diminish.

Friends and allies emerged, offering support and helping Eve navigate the treacherous waters of legal disputes. Her community rallied around her, reinforcing the idea that family isn't just about blood but about the bonds we build through kindness and mutual respect. With their help, Eve managed to reclaim some of the stolen assets, though the financial recovery was secondary to her emotional healing.

In the end, as she navigated the aftermath of her adopted mother's passing, Eve clung to the memories of their time together. She cherished the moments of warmth and laughter, the lessons in resilience and integrity that Maria had imparted. These memories became her anchor, a source of strength that no amount of greed could tarnish.

The saga left Eve with a renewed sense of purpose. She dedicated herself to advocating for others in similar situations, using her experience to highlight the importance of legal protections and the need for vigilance in safeguarding one's rights. Through her efforts, she turned her personal tragedy into a beacon of hope and empowerment for others facing betrayal and injustice.

Eve's story, though marred by deception, ultimately became one of resilience and triumph. She emerged stronger, her spirit unbroken, and her heart full of the love and values that her mother had instilled in her.

The Price of Trust

 Aunty Olive had always been a force to be reckoned with, a savvy businesswoman who had amassed wealth both in Malaysia and Hong Kong. Her journey to success was marked by shrewd decisions and unwavering determination. She built an empire from the ground up, earning respect and admiration from peers and competitors alike. However, with retirement came the onset of Alzheimer's, a cruel twist of fate that gradually eroded her sharp mind. Unable to care for herself, she found solace and safety in the care of a reputable center, a place her family believed would protect and nurture her in her vulnerable state.

Her devoted younger sister, Mei, was a frequent visitor. Mei's presence at the center was a comforting constant for Aunty Olive, who often struggled to recognize familiar faces. Mei's visits were filled with laughter, shared memories, and tender moments that seemed to bring Aunty Olive back to her former self, even if just for a little while. To the staff and other residents, Mei was the epitome of a loving sister, dedicated to her elder sibling's well-being during her twilight years.

But beneath the facade of familial affection lurked a darker agenda. Mei, while appearing to be the picture of compassion, had been harboring deep-seated jealousy and resentment for years. Unbeknownst to the center and even to other family members, Mei saw her sister's declining health as an opportunity to advance her own interests. 

Aunty Olive's vulnerable state became Mei's gateway to exploit her trust. With carefully crafted stories and forged documents, Mei manipulated Aunty Olive into signing away two valuable properties in Malaysia. These properties, symbols of Aunty Olive's hard-earned success, were transferred to Mei under the guise of ensuring they stayed within the family. It was a betrayal that went unnoticed for months, hidden behind Mei's mask of sincerity and the trust that the center placed in her.

It wasn't until Aunty Olive's niece, Li, who was her official guardian and a diligent custodian of her aunt's affairs, began reviewing the estate that the deception came to light. Li had always been close to Aunty Olive, seeing her as a mentor and role model. She was shocked to discover the irregularities in the property records. Determined to protect her aunt, Li launched a thorough investigation, which unveiled Mei's treachery.

Thankfully, Li managed to safeguard the cash assets entrusted to her care, preventing further financial loss. She worked tirelessly to legally reclaim the stolen properties, though the process was lengthy and emotionally draining. The discovery served as a stark reminder that even those closest to you can harbor ulterior motives. Aunty Olive, in her moments of lucidity, expressed heartbreak over her sister's betrayal, a pain that cut deeper than any financial loss.

In the end, Aunty Olive's story was a cautionary tale about the fragility of trust and the lengths to which some will go for personal gain. It was a sobering realization that in a world where family bonds are supposed to be sacrosanct, betrayal can sometimes be the bitter price of misplaced trust. The experience left a lasting impact on the family, underscoring the importance of vigilance and the sad truth that sometimes, those who appear to be our strongest allies may, in fact, be our greatest adversaries.

A Family Divide

Uncle Alex's transition to the care center was a meticulously orchestrated affair, cloaked in secrecy. His daughter, asserting herself as his only child, facilitated the move with a narrative that left no room for questioning. With this declaration, Uncle Alex became a resident, his connections to his past and wider family seemingly severed by the stroke of a pen and the weight of unspoken words.

But tranquility is often fleeting.

Like a sudden gust of wind disrupting a calm sea, three unexpected visitors stormed into the center, their presence charged with emotion and urgency. They asserted themselves as Uncle Alex’s true children, voices quivering with a mix of anger and desperation. They accused their sister of duplicitous actions—of orchestrating their father’s quiet departure from the hospital and siphoning his finances without their knowledge or consent.

The center, usually a haven of calm and care, found itself ensnared in the throes of a bitter family feud. Accusations flew like arrows, each one piercing the fragile peace that had enveloped Uncle Alex’s new home. Legal threats loomed ominously in the air, casting a shadow over the center's serene corridors.

Yet amidst the chaos, the director stood resolute. With a calm demeanor and a steady voice, he asserted that the center’s role was to provide care and support, not to mediate familial disputes. "This is a matter for the family to resolve," she stated firmly, her eyes reflecting a mixture of empathy and determination.

Caught in the eye of the storm, the center maintained its focus on what it did best—caring for its residents. Uncle Alex, a figure now caught between past and present, continued his days under the center’s attentive care, while the battle for his future raged on beyond its walls.

The story of Uncle Alex and his divided family served as a poignant reminder of the complexities that often accompany the decisions around aged care. It underscored the importance of clarity, communication, and, above all, the need to navigate such transitions with both compassion and integrity.

In the end, while the center could not untangle the knots of familial discord, it remained steadfast in its mission: to be a sanctuary for those in need, offering care and comfort amidst life's inevitable storms.

The Betrayal of the Only Son

 Uncle Lim had been a familiar presence at the center for years. Everyone knew him as a kind and gentle soul, always ready with a smile and a kind word for those around him. In the early 2000s, Uncle Lim, a sprightly man in his sixties, would make his monthly trips to the bank with the assistance of the nurse manager. These outings were more than just a routine; they were a small adventure and a testament to his independence. Uncle Lim would dress in his best clothes, his eyes twinkling with a sense of purpose as he withdrew money for his expenses, carefully managing his finances with a meticulous hand.

As the years went by, age and health began to take their toll. Uncle Lim's once robust frame grew frail, and the simple act of going to the bank became an insurmountable challenge. His legs, once steady, now trembled with the weight of his years. Recognizing his limitations, Uncle Lim made a difficult decision. He entrusted his only son with his savings, believing that his son would care for him as he had cared for him in his youth. With a heavy heart but unwavering trust, Uncle Lim sold his beloved home, the place where countless memories were made, and handed over the proceeds to his son.

The son, who Uncle Lim had raised with love and sacrifice, took the money with promises of ensuring his father's comfort and security. But those promises were as fleeting as the autumn leaves. Instead of using the money for his father's care, the son disappeared without a trace, leaving Uncle Lim with nothing but heartache and betrayal. The news spread quickly through the center, a shocking tale of trust shattered and hope lost.

With his savings gone and no means to support himself, Uncle Lim faced a harsh reality. He was reluctantly transferred to a government-run NGO home, a place where the elderly and destitute found refuge. The transition was not easy. The government home, though providing the basic necessities, lacked the warmth and familiarity of his old life. The vibrant community he once enjoyed was replaced with the quiet, somber halls of the NGO home. 

In this new environment, Uncle Lim found himself surrounded by others who had also faced hardship and betrayal. The rooms were sparsely furnished, a stark contrast to the comfort he once knew. Meals were simple, and the staff, though kind, were overworked and often unable to provide the personal attention that Uncle Lim had grown accustomed to in the private center.

Uncle Lim's once bright future, filled with dreams of spending his golden years surrounded by family, now lay shattered. The betrayal by his only son was a wound that cut deep, leaving scars that no amount of time could heal. Trust, once the foundation of his relationships, was now a painful reminder of what he had lost. Uncle Lim's days were now filled with quiet resignation, his spirit dimmed but not entirely extinguished.

Despite the pain and sense of abandonment, Uncle Lim found a way to cope with his new reality. He spent his days reminiscing about the past, finding solace in the memories of better times. He often thought about his home, the laughter of family gatherings, and the simple joy of tending to his garden. These memories were his refuge, a way to escape the stark reality of his current life.

Uncle Lim found small comforts in the routine of the NGO home. He made friends with other residents, sharing stories and finding common ground in their shared experiences. The staff, though busy, showed genuine care and compassion, and Uncle Lim came to appreciate their efforts. His resilience was a testament to the human spirit's ability to endure, even in the face of profound betrayal. Uncle Lim accepted the hand fate had dealt him with a quiet dignity, his heart heavy but his will unbroken.

In the end, Uncle Lim's story was a poignant reminder of the fragile nature of trust and the enduring strength of the human spirit. Though his dreams had been dashed and his trust betrayed, Uncle Lim continued to live with grace and acceptance, finding peace in the simple act of surviving each day.

ECONOMIC VIABILITY OF CARE SECTOR

Since the establishment of Agecope in 2019, we've made several attempts, both at the national and state levels (specifically in Penang), to address the persistent issue of labor shortages. Ministries such as KPWKM, MOH, and the Home Ministry were approached, with four national-level attempts and two at the state level. This challenge has been a longstanding issue, tracing its roots back through time.

The closest we came to a meaningful discussion on this matter was during Hannah Yeoh's tenure as the deputy of KPWKM. Unfortunately, her time was cut short due to the Sheraton Move, and since then, changing governments has become a frequent occurrence. The onset of Covid-19 brought about a halt to economic activities, further complicating the labor shortage predicament.

Our National committee, consisting of the National Secretary, President, and Committee members, faced challenges during visits to Putrajaya. We found ourselves belittled by various MOH ministers, regardless of political affiliations. There was a prevailing perception that we were opportunistic, utilizing the association for personal financial gains, albeit implicitly.

Upon reflection, it became clear to me that our approach to the ministries was flawed. We presented our labor issues from a CARE perspective, relying on emotional appeals that lacked tangible benefits for the government or the country from a financial standpoint.

It's evident that we, along with other NGOs focused on the elderly, approached the government with a self-interest perspective, which isn't inherently wrong. However, we lacked the economic finesse needed for considerations by the various ministries. Our plea for support resembled the way we approached our parents to buy us a pair of Nike, and we need to acknowledge that our strategy needs a fundamental shift.

In the context of foreign labor for care centers, we've been seen as a cost sector. In conferences and meetings, terms like 'sustainability,' 'rising costs,' and 'financial aid' are recurrent, flowing like the Solo River – one-way, alone, and without reciprocation from authorities.

It's time for a paradigm shift. We must reconsider, reposition, and retell the care narratives from a business perspective. Care is not just a service; it's a vibrant and profitable business that significantly contributes to our society, community, and country. Care operators should be recognized as tax-paying entities, job creators, and economic supporters for local business communities.

There's a multiplier effect within the care industry, and we should be acknowledged as an essential part of nation-building. When care operators provide mental, emotional, and stress relief for family members, it enables them to concentrate on their businesses, becoming effective economic generators in their respective industries.

The entire care industry is built on the foundation of providing peace of mind for caregivers and family members, allowing them to continue their livelihood activities. Therefore, if we are a business that requires labor, there should be a designated sector or sub-sector for all operators to hire foreign labor.

FONG MUNTOH-NATIONAL SECRETARY AGECOPE

GOODNESS OF PAIN

 Recently, I found myself at Old Town Coffee in Bandar Bukit Tinggi, engaged in a heartfelt conversation with my dear friend, Pastor Tan Sin Guan. The weariness etched across his face during his sermon had caught my attention, prompting me to reach out for a chat. I was aware that he had just triumphed over a challenging battle with Covid, an ordeal he candidly admitted he once believed might claim his life.

As we settled into our conversation amidst the cozy ambiance of the coffee place, a heavy yet unspoken nuance lingered in the air. I had summoned Pastor Tan not only to inquire about his well-being but, in a way, to share a possible farewell – a last meeting, a goodbye. I expressed my desire to exchange both a hello and a potential goodbye, acknowledging that it could also serve as a farewell to me.

Our dialogue meandered through various topics, touching upon his frequent hospital visits and my struggles with gout. However, it was the exploration of pain that became the focal point of our conversation. Throughout my years in seminary, discussions on pain and the fear it invokes emerged frequently, often addressed indirectly or skirted around. People, it seemed, were hesitant to reveal their own pains.

In my own experiences, sharing my pains would inevitably awaken the latent healer in those around me. Everyone became an amateur Sinseh, offering recipes and remedies. While well-intentioned, the inundation of supplement pitches and miracle cures via WhatsApp and through friends who had been silent for years became a stark reality.

Here's what I've come to realize: pain is not the adversary we often perceive it to be. Despite its excruciating physical and emotional toll, pain serves a purpose. The perennial question of why a benevolent God allows or creates pain looms large. Pain, I believe, has two fundamental purposes.

Firstly, it serves as a guardian, protecting us from harm. We instinctively avoid actions that cause pain, whether it's cutting ourselves or exposing ourselves to fire. Pain is a guide, preventing us from repeating thoughtless acts.

Secondly, the pain that accompanies injuries or wounds is a testament to our resilience. It communicates that recovery is possible and that pain is not eternal; it can subside with time.

Yet, what about instances where pain persists, refusing to relinquish its grip? This is the profound challenge. Prolonged suffering prompts us to confront our mortality, forcing us to weigh the value of continuing to live amidst relentless pain versus the allure of release through death. I've heard the pleas of the elderly and friends suffering from chronic pain, crying out for release. When death finally arrives, there is a collective sense of relief – for them and for those who stood by in helpless empathy.

The absence of pain can also sow emotional confusion, especially when dealing with a loved one in a coma. The silence of a comatose individual offers no indication of their pain, leaving loved ones torn between the hope for recovery and the difficult decision of letting go. The uncertainty surrounding the duration and conditions of awakening adds to the emotional turmoil.

In sharing these reflections and conversations, I acknowledge that many among us bear burdens in ways that elude understanding. Let me assure you that not all seemingly negative experiences are devoid of purpose. Perhaps, in some small way, this article can provide solace and understanding to those navigating the complex landscape of pain.

Muntoh.

7 HABITS OF HIGHLY AFFABLE SENIORS

This heartfelt dedication is not just a celebration of my parents, especially my dad, who serves as an outstanding example of how to gracefully navigate the senior years while being an affable presence for others.

Entering the realm of seniors, retirees, or the elderly often comes with unfair stereotypes. Seniors are sometimes perceived as long-winded, technologically challenged, fixated on the past, and critical of the youth. I want to challenge these stereotypes and share habits that can help us age gracefully, becoming highly affable and cherished seniors for both outsiders and immediate families.

Habit #1 – Always Have Something Nice to Say:

Taking a page from my dad's book, I've learned the power of a kind word. Whether addressing a former Member of Parliament or interacting with individuals of all ages and appearances, my dad taught me to use endearing terms like "sister" for older ladies and "pretty girl" for ladies of any age. The intention is not to deceive but to bring a moment of joy to their lives.

Habit #2 – Never Deny a Good Offer, Always Say Yes:

My dad's philosophy on accepting invitations, especially those involving food, is a valuable lesson. He taught us never to refuse our children's invitations, even if the food or place isn't our preference. Saying yes to these invitations builds connections and creates cherished memories.

Habit #3 – Be a Contributor and Helper:

A generous spirit defines my dad. His knack for farming and sharing the produce with friends exemplifies the importance of contributing to the well-being of others, both within the family and the community.

Habit #4 – Be a Happy Person:

Grumpiness repels, and my dad's cheerful demeanor, coupled with his knack for humor, made him a joy to be around. Choosing happiness over complaints is a habit that not only benefits oneself but also radiates positivity to those around.

Habit #5 – Always Make Yourself Happy:

Indulging in personal pleasures, like my dad's secret morning prawn treat, is a reminder to prioritize one's happiness. Balancing self-care with familial responsibilities is a key to contentment.

Habit #6 – Have Hobbies Just for Yourself:

Cultivating personal hobbies, whether it's reading, gardening, or cooking, ensures a fulfilling life even when friends are no longer present. My dad's love for solitary activities like reading the newspaper and tending to his garden reflects this principle.

Habit #7 – Be Contented:

Having experienced both financial highs and lows, my dad's contentment in any circumstance taught me the value of finding joy in the present moment. Regardless of external circumstances, a contented heart is a source of lasting happiness.

In their journey together, my mom and dad were an affable couple, embodying a legacy of love. As I strive to emulate their example, I'm reminded that the key to being a cherished senior lies in embracing these habits of kindness, gratitude, and contentment