GOODNESS OF PAIN

 Recently, I found myself at Old Town Coffee in Bandar Bukit Tinggi, engaged in a heartfelt conversation with my dear friend, Pastor Tan Sin Guan. The weariness etched across his face during his sermon had caught my attention, prompting me to reach out for a chat. I was aware that he had just triumphed over a challenging battle with Covid, an ordeal he candidly admitted he once believed might claim his life.

As we settled into our conversation amidst the cozy ambiance of the coffee place, a heavy yet unspoken nuance lingered in the air. I had summoned Pastor Tan not only to inquire about his well-being but, in a way, to share a possible farewell – a last meeting, a goodbye. I expressed my desire to exchange both a hello and a potential goodbye, acknowledging that it could also serve as a farewell to me.

Our dialogue meandered through various topics, touching upon his frequent hospital visits and my struggles with gout. However, it was the exploration of pain that became the focal point of our conversation. Throughout my years in seminary, discussions on pain and the fear it invokes emerged frequently, often addressed indirectly or skirted around. People, it seemed, were hesitant to reveal their own pains.

In my own experiences, sharing my pains would inevitably awaken the latent healer in those around me. Everyone became an amateur Sinseh, offering recipes and remedies. While well-intentioned, the inundation of supplement pitches and miracle cures via WhatsApp and through friends who had been silent for years became a stark reality.

Here's what I've come to realize: pain is not the adversary we often perceive it to be. Despite its excruciating physical and emotional toll, pain serves a purpose. The perennial question of why a benevolent God allows or creates pain looms large. Pain, I believe, has two fundamental purposes.

Firstly, it serves as a guardian, protecting us from harm. We instinctively avoid actions that cause pain, whether it's cutting ourselves or exposing ourselves to fire. Pain is a guide, preventing us from repeating thoughtless acts.

Secondly, the pain that accompanies injuries or wounds is a testament to our resilience. It communicates that recovery is possible and that pain is not eternal; it can subside with time.

Yet, what about instances where pain persists, refusing to relinquish its grip? This is the profound challenge. Prolonged suffering prompts us to confront our mortality, forcing us to weigh the value of continuing to live amidst relentless pain versus the allure of release through death. I've heard the pleas of the elderly and friends suffering from chronic pain, crying out for release. When death finally arrives, there is a collective sense of relief – for them and for those who stood by in helpless empathy.

The absence of pain can also sow emotional confusion, especially when dealing with a loved one in a coma. The silence of a comatose individual offers no indication of their pain, leaving loved ones torn between the hope for recovery and the difficult decision of letting go. The uncertainty surrounding the duration and conditions of awakening adds to the emotional turmoil.

In sharing these reflections and conversations, I acknowledge that many among us bear burdens in ways that elude understanding. Let me assure you that not all seemingly negative experiences are devoid of purpose. Perhaps, in some small way, this article can provide solace and understanding to those navigating the complex landscape of pain.

Muntoh.

7 HABITS OF HIGHLY AFFABLE SENIORS

This heartfelt dedication is not just a celebration of my parents, especially my dad, who serves as an outstanding example of how to gracefully navigate the senior years while being an affable presence for others.

Entering the realm of seniors, retirees, or the elderly often comes with unfair stereotypes. Seniors are sometimes perceived as long-winded, technologically challenged, fixated on the past, and critical of the youth. I want to challenge these stereotypes and share habits that can help us age gracefully, becoming highly affable and cherished seniors for both outsiders and immediate families.

Habit #1 – Always Have Something Nice to Say:

Taking a page from my dad's book, I've learned the power of a kind word. Whether addressing a former Member of Parliament or interacting with individuals of all ages and appearances, my dad taught me to use endearing terms like "sister" for older ladies and "pretty girl" for ladies of any age. The intention is not to deceive but to bring a moment of joy to their lives.

Habit #2 – Never Deny a Good Offer, Always Say Yes:

My dad's philosophy on accepting invitations, especially those involving food, is a valuable lesson. He taught us never to refuse our children's invitations, even if the food or place isn't our preference. Saying yes to these invitations builds connections and creates cherished memories.

Habit #3 – Be a Contributor and Helper:

A generous spirit defines my dad. His knack for farming and sharing the produce with friends exemplifies the importance of contributing to the well-being of others, both within the family and the community.

Habit #4 – Be a Happy Person:

Grumpiness repels, and my dad's cheerful demeanor, coupled with his knack for humor, made him a joy to be around. Choosing happiness over complaints is a habit that not only benefits oneself but also radiates positivity to those around.

Habit #5 – Always Make Yourself Happy:

Indulging in personal pleasures, like my dad's secret morning prawn treat, is a reminder to prioritize one's happiness. Balancing self-care with familial responsibilities is a key to contentment.

Habit #6 – Have Hobbies Just for Yourself:

Cultivating personal hobbies, whether it's reading, gardening, or cooking, ensures a fulfilling life even when friends are no longer present. My dad's love for solitary activities like reading the newspaper and tending to his garden reflects this principle.

Habit #7 – Be Contented:

Having experienced both financial highs and lows, my dad's contentment in any circumstance taught me the value of finding joy in the present moment. Regardless of external circumstances, a contented heart is a source of lasting happiness.

In their journey together, my mom and dad were an affable couple, embodying a legacy of love. As I strive to emulate their example, I'm reminded that the key to being a cherished senior lies in embracing these habits of kindness, gratitude, and contentment

IS MALAYSIA THE NEW PHILIPINES & INDONESIA?

Now we start to worry.

Recently, a viral picture featuring screenshots from Free Malaysia Today highlighted Johor's struggle with a shortage of 15,000 nurses. The reported reason? Many nurses are lured to work in Singapore due to higher pay and favorable exchange rates.

The immediate thought that crosses my mind is, "What's wrong if nurses seek higher earnings?" In fact, why should Malaysians not aspire to increase their income? The depreciation of the Ringgit against the Singapore Dollar since independence raises questions about the government's sincere efforts to boost the economy. Often, economic initiatives lead to projects benefiting cronies rather than addressing the root issues.

As the nursing shortage raises concerns, we must ponder: Is it so terrible if Malaysia becomes an exporter of skilled and unskilled labor? Migration for economic opportunities is not a new phenomenon. Malaysian nurses have sought better prospects in the Middle East, Australia, and the United Kingdom, while unskilled workers have ventured to the UK, Japan, Taiwan, and the US since the 70s.

In Malaysia, the ongoing debate on minimum wage reveals a lack of resolve from the Human Resource Minister. Flip-flopping in response to employer and trade association concerns undermines efforts to address the rising cost of living. Claims that RM1,500 is a good wage overlook the challenges of responsibilities, burdens, and children's needs in today's economic climate.

Our purported low inflation rate may be a misleading statistic. Outdated methodologies mask the true impact of inflation, creating a facade of economic stability. The closure of nursing colleges in the past decade has further limited the supply of nurses, with many former students burdened by PTPN loans.

It's disheartening to witness power-holders prioritizing personal gain over the well-being of the nation. Scandals and abuses across ministries paint a grim picture. As Malaysians seek opportunities abroad for a decent living, it raises concerns about the nation's future. While this situation is worrying, it is the leaders, not the people, who bear responsibility for the consequences.

If we are not careful, Malaysia may follow in the footsteps of the Philippines or Indonesia. It's a stark reality that Malaysians might become overseas workers, a fate none deserve but one that may become inevitable if meaningful changes are not implemented

IS CARING WITHOUT COMPASSION POSSIBLE?

"Balancing Compassion and Business in Aged Care Centers: A Reflection on Caregiver Dynamics"

In the realm of aged care, it's not uncommon to encounter caregivers who, while providing essential services, may lack a deep sense of compassion. These individuals, whom I refer to as 'Incidental Carers and Professionals,' are not inherently bad people, and their motivations often stem from pragmatic reasons rather than malice. Understanding the reasons behind this phenomenon can shed light on potential solutions for fostering a more compassionate care environment.

Reasons for Care Without Compassion:

1. Need to Put Food on the Table:
   Many caregivers fall into the caregiving profession out of economic necessity. Foreign maids, constrained by their job descriptions, and individuals bound by socio-economic constraints often find themselves in caregiving roles. These circumstances limit their choices and job options.

2. Limited Job Options:
   Some individuals, especially those not academically inclined or seeking higher education opportunities, may enter the aged care industry due to limited job options or parental influence.

Solving the Compassion Issue:

Building Systemic Compassion Structure:

1. Build Systems with Compassion as a Foundation:
   Integrate compassion into the core of caregiving systems. Establish schedules ensuring care activities are performed, and implement Well-Being programs for residents. Recognize that compassion and systematic care are interconnected; both must be prioritized for an effective caregiving environment.

2. 
   

3. Build Your Business on the Foundation of Love:
   Business owners of care centers must infuse compassion into their core beliefs. While profits are essential, prioritizing the greater good and genuinely believing in the positive impact on the community is paramount. Aged care is an embodiment of economics, love, and compassion.

4. 
   

5. Build Your System on a Higher Moral Ground:
   Make decisions and establish processes on a higher moral ground. Ask the question, "Do I have no regrets?" and ensure that your actions align with sound philosophies and solid moral values. Strive to do your best, even in challenging circumstances.

In Conclusion:

While caring without compassion may be possible, it is often stressful for caregivers and may not be a sustainable approach. Those who endure likely face personal challenges, making it crucial to acknowledge their circumstances. Balancing compassion and business in aged care requires building systemic structures infused with compassion, establishing businesses on the foundation of love, and adhering to higher moral values. By doing so, we create a holistic and sustainable approach to caregiving, ensuring both the well-being of caregivers and the quality of care provided to the elderly.

MY DAD’S WISDOM & FAMILY FEUD OVER ELDERLY PARENTS

My late dad had a heartfelt wish for all four of us siblings: to live in harmony and love. I'm grateful to say that we've managed to fulfill this wish, although keeping such a promise to a parent isn't always an easy feat.

The first week of March wasn't particularly cheerful for me, as I found myself fielding three calls about siblings entangled in disputes over their parents. Whether it was two sisters clashing over parental matters or a larger family, comprising over four siblings and five grandchildren, feuding over a parent and grandparent, the reasons behind the conflicts echoed the drama found in family series.

Reflecting on my dad's wisdom in preventing family feuds, or at least minimizing their impact, here are some key insights:

1. **Taking Responsibility:**

   One of the children should take full responsibility, irrespective of their position in the family. Just as the human body requires distinct parts to function, there's a reason we were given one mouth and one head. Perhaps, two heads aren't necessarily better than one.

2. **Choosing the Right Time:**

   It's crucial to back down, even when you're in the right, and wait for the opportune moment to address the situation as mature adults.

3. **Apologizing for Harmony:**

   Apologize, even if you're in the right. Being right doesn't always trump the importance of maintaining a cordial relationship, as a good relationship can often make wrong things right.

4. **Humble Seeking of Help:**

   The one who assumes responsibility must be humble enough to seek help when necessary. Just as the saying goes, "It takes a village."

5. **Inclusive Support:**

   Allow other siblings to be part of the care support team if they wish to contribute. In unity, strength is found.

6. **Respecting Choices:**

   Don't push those who choose not to be part of the care support team. Everyone may have their reasons, and it's essential to continue maintaining a cordial relationship with them.

7. **Avoiding Bragging:**

   Refrain from bragging to others about taking full responsibility. Humility goes a long way in fostering positive relationships.

I hope sharing these pieces of my dad's advice proves helpful in navigating the complexities of family dynamics.

TWO 99 YEARS OLD PARENTS & 3 SISTERS- WHAT IS THE FIGHT ABOUT?

My friend Jo reached out to me from Singapore, visibly distressed. To provide context, Jo is the youngest among three sisters—Verona being the eldest and Holly the second. Their elderly parents, both 99 years old and grappling with dementia, reside in a care center in Tambun Ipoh. Initially, Jo's father had a joint account with Holly and Jo. However, Verona, during a visit from Canada, presented a form meant for certification in Canada, asserting that her parents were in palliative care. This claim was not true, as the parents were in general good health, albeit dealing with dementia. Verona aimed to use this certification to claim allowances for caring for her parents, whose monthly care expenses in Tambun amounted to RM7,600. When the two retired nurses managing the Tambun center declined to sign the form, Veron threatened to sue the home and decided to relocate her parents to a nursing home near their residence in Kg Simee, citing dissatisfaction with the Tambun facility. Despite Verona's assertion that the new place was more economical, concerns were raised about its quality of care. Here are some crucial points to consider: 1. Jo is the official guardian, as per the signed terms and conditions, giving her exclusive authority or the power to approve anyone discharging the parents.

2. A palliative diagnosis must come from a qualified doctor, making the act of certifying generally healthy parents as palliative a criminal offense.

3. Given the parents' dementia, it is recommended for them to remain in the familiar Tambun nursing home. Veron's concerns about staffing and management may not be valid unless there is concrete evidence of misconduct or care deterioration.

4. Threatening legal action against the center requires substantial grounds for a lawyer or court to intervene. While there are varying opinions on this situation, the hope is that the sisters can engage in a humble and constructive conversation, motivated not just by love for each other but, more importantly, by love for their parents—central figures in this complex family narrative.

EPILOGUE

• Last night 2 MAR 2022 the sister implicated in this story called me to tell her side of her story. In dealing with feuding family issues and stories, there are more than one side. in fact there are as many sides as the number of people involved. The parents, the children, the carers, the centres, other relatives and friends who each knew both sisters and the family will have their sides too.

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  Muntoh Monti

  I just hope all the sisters can humble themselves and talk it out not out of love for one another but out of love for their parents, the common players in this story.

UNITY, CHOPSTICK AND CULTURAL ASSIMILATION

 

"We are Borg, you will be assimilated, resistant is futile" 
The famous quote from Start Trek

Tun Dr Mahathir's recent statement on Chinese culture and assimilation stirred controversy among the Chinese community, but I remained unfazed. Recognizing Dr. Mahathir as a skilled politician, I understood his strategy to garner majority support, yet I found a deeper message in his words—highlighting "unity" and "assimilation."

Assuming that Dr. Mahathir implied the necessity of assimilation for unity, I delved into the concept. Anthropologically, assimilation refers to the absorption of diverse ethnic groups into a dominant culture. This led me to ponder whether minority cultures could truly become Malay, as our constitution defines Malays based on religious, linguistic, and cultural criteria.

However, historical and global examples contradicted the notion of assimilation as a panacea for unity. China, despite a common language, remains culturally diverse. Similarly, the United States and religious denominations experience internal divisions. Even in Malaysia, political parties aligned with the majority culture witness fragmentation.

Constitutional assimilation does not ensure genuine unity. Minorities retain aspects of their culture, enriching the majority culture. Hence, I argue that true unity lies in diversity, emphasizing the well-being of the "rakyats." Unity is an action—a commitment to care for all, irrespective of race or religion. It transcends assimilation, encouraging unconditional love and understanding.

In conclusion, my perspective rejects assimilation as a path to unity. Instead, I advocate for unity in diversity, recognizing and celebrating the unique contributions of each culture. Unity, as a dynamic concept, requires continuous effort and a genuine embrace of our differences for a harmonious society.