PATIENCE, PATIENCE, PATIENCE

I never thought that God will use my son and my mother to teach me patience.( I talk about my mother in the next posting)

Patience is not a commodity nor aptitude that I possess in any quantity. I was impatient, rash and reactive. The kind of attributes not required in elderly care. I believe God in his humor put me in a situation that I had to learn patience.

When my son was born in 1997, I learned one thing from his birth and growth, that is to be patient for he will grow.  Let me tell his story and my journey.

My son was born prematurely, and nothing prepared me to deal with his kind of birth and his growth from baby to adulthood. No books, no manuals, no nothing. Only experienced anecdotes from relatives, parents and anybody who had a baby before. Even friends who were not married came to give us advise saying, “I heard from this friend of mine who had a similar situation, and this is what they did.”

I got it from my gynecologist, well, my wife’s gynecologist that my son will be born on 15 May 1997, estimated of course. I got it all worked out by working backwards from May 15 until my wife developed PIH, pregnancy induced hypertension. I was thinking how can this be, her blood pressure was always low, but it did happen and her BP shot all the way up to 200 over 140, if it that’s the speed of my Proton Wira 1.3  I will be happy, but it is not. Dr Sheila, the gynecologist wrote a letter to University Hospital for immediate operation. I was s worried because this situation was not in my perfect plan of how my son should exit from my wife, it should be on the date stated of 15 May 1997. In fact, I was so worried that I do not know what to worry because I have no clue what to worry. Still he came and on 28 March 1997, my son was born.

 When he was a few months old, the babysitter could just leave him in front of the tv and he will not crawl. He just doesn’t crawl. He does not do anything a so call normal baby does, at least those I knew from friends. When he was two years old my wife and I noticed that he could sit in front of a tv forever. Once we gave him his favourite toy. He sat and played with it but when the toy fell from his hands and went out of his reach by a couple of inches, he just will not go and fetch it, that is unusual. In my heart I thought finish lah( A Malaysian expression). Something must be wrong with him, but I chose to stay calm and prayed for the best. Anyway, that is the most I can do besides any medical testing and he seems to be normal.

By preschool all the teachers’ complaint that he was too quiet and does not speak in school. When we asked him who was his best friend, he does not know any except the same boy who grew up with him with the baby sitter. By standard four his results were not something to shout about and I told my wife, we better get ready money to send him vocational school. My late father in law who loved this grandson of his very much, was a teacher also gave up teaching him. Then in standard five his results picked up and he even got 4 As for UPSR. Now he would not stop talking.

I know now that I just need to be patient and be there to watch. For my son will grow and I am sure yours will too. No magic formula just be patient. Now he is young man University, but that’s not the end, in 2019, just a year before he completes his degree, he called and told me,” Dad, I want to stop studying.” I do not need to tell you how I felt, but I was prepared for that day in 2019, because I knew my son well. I also knew that not all are meant to be top notch academics. I console myself saying even Lim Goh Tong the founder of Genting does not have a degree and Bill Gates did not graduate. I told him it is okay; you have to decide for yourself.

Most important for me is that my son returns home safe and sound, which I am thankful to God.

So how does this relate to caring for aged? Well, my son is now being trained as an administrator and caregiver in the centre which I started for Harvest Christian Assembly in Klang, called D’Home. The person whom I mentored to manage the place and the nurse whom I have recruited to help is now mentoring and teaching my son.

What did I learn from this? I learned that all things that we do today has value in the future. What ever entrusted to us to do and if we do well will comes back to us in a positive way. 

So, whatever that is not right today with your family, friends and things around, it is only part of larger picture and endgame shall be revealed in good time. Stay Patient.

MY SON TODAY